Dear Bocchan
by PBnSpots
Summary: Sebastian writes letters to his beloved Young Master during the brief moments when they are apart. Crack.
1. Letter 1

I don't own Ciel...I mean...Kuroshitsuji! Yeah. This is basically my mind when I am bored and given a feather and ink to write with. Enjoy! ^_^ By the way, this is my first ever fanfic! Yay!

Dear Bocchan,

I am a demon. I am also one hell of a butler, okay? So…did you know I was responsible for the Black Death? Yeah. I kinda was…I kinda wanna rape you right now, but I suppose that can wait until you are 18 and complete your revenge. Then I will not eat your soul, but instead, molest it until beyond the end of time.

I am really good at throwing forks through peoples' foreheads, though the mess is awful to attempt to clean up. Your eye is sexy. The purple one, I mean, because it reminds me that very very soon, I will be able to have lots and lots of sex with you.

Speaking of…could you please try to stop getting kidnapped? It is rather tiring trying to keep all those other men from raping you…not that I can blame them, of course. ^_^ You'll be all like, "Don't stop, Sebastian!" And I'll be all like, "Yes, my Lord." I'm sexy. That's why I have to be the one to take your innocence.

Until the End,

Omae no shitsuji. 3


	2. Letter 2

I don't own Ciel...I mean...Kuroshitsuji! Yeah. This is basically my mind when I am bored and given a feather and ink to write with. Enjoy! ^_^ By the way, this is my first ever fanfic! Yay!

Dear Bocchan,

Your lips taste really good. I thought you should know that…I kind of make out with you every night while you sleep. You are a VERY heavy sleeper, Bocchan. That's one of my favorite things about you. Seriously. Anything goes once you fall asleep. Hehehe.

You are angry a lot. Good for you. I am a demon. Yay me! My eyes are red like blood. I like blood. It tastes like red stuff. Kinda like a strawberry smoothie.

You are going to prove to be extremely ~ entertaining, Bocchan. I am never going to be able to pass more than 20 seconds where I am not having sex with you. I don't doubt that you will enjoy it just as much as I. I am VERY experienced after all. Very experienced.

Roses are red, violets are blue, soon you'll be mine and I'm gonna rape you. My rhymes are sexy. Don't you agree, Bocchan? I would also really appreciate it if you would come up with a better "help me out" signal than "woof!" What if that had actually been a dog? I don't want to rape a dog…although some dogs do seem to want to rape me quite a bit…*cough* Purupuru *cough*. We should really do something about his constant nudity.

Omae no shitsuji itsumo

Sebastian


	3. Letter 3

I don't own Ciel...I mean...Kuroshitsuji! Yeah. This is basically my mind when I am bored and given a feather and ink to write with. Enjoy! ^_^ By the way, this is my first ever fanfic! Yay!

Dear Bocchan,

Your other servants are kinda stupid…I mean, they all seem to be under the impression that you saved them from their living hells. So then…if that was you, what the hell did I do? _I_ was the one who brought them to the mansion, after all! All you really did was have a really big ass house.

Maybe they like you so much because they want to rape you. Well that sucks for them because you sort of already promised I could drill…cough…be sexy with…you and NOBODY ELSE!

You are very very very rapeable. Do you realize just how many people have attempted to do just that? You have too much sex appeal!

I have a theory that Grell is straight but is just afraid to come out of the closet about it. Because no gay man can possibly see you and not immediately think… "Must…rape!" I think pretending to be infatuated with me is how Grell copes with the terrifying idea of being a straight male in an anime. Because we all know how many fangirls they get. None.

Anyway, enough about Grell raping you, let's commence with me raping you, Bocchan. Yes, that's right. Just like every fangirl ever imagined. As hardcore as hard-core gets. Because, after all, as a servant of Phantomhive, it's only natural that I should be able to live up to their expectations.

Omae no ai (and sex partner),

Sebastian


	4. Letter 4

Dear Bocchan,

Have you written up the papers on our silverware budget yet? I think we should allot quite a bit of money to that seeing as how almost half of it seems to get imbedded into the flesh of ransom seekers and chloroform-loving pedophiles. I guess it's a good thing you're rich. Then again, I do tend to just steal money from the people who would dare to touch my Bocchan without my permission first, so never mind, just forget about the silverware budget altogether.

So, how 'bout that Lady Elizabeth? Always going on about "cute" things? You know what would be cute? You having sex with me. Let's give that a try some time and then see what Lady Elizabeth says! I doubt we would share the same opinion in this particular scenario. But you have no objections, do you, Bocchan? Then again, once your soul is mine, it doesn't much matter if you agree with me or not. It will be just like the corset scene all over again, only this time we will be having sex…well, _I_ will be having sex…and you will still probably be wearing a corset…because I'm a demon and a butler, so I'm a bit of a sadist. Besides, won't a corset make things…tighter? The tighter the better, Bocchan, if you know what I mean. I think you do~! It will be very painful…for you, anyway. But you are kind of a masochist so I'm sure you will be begging for more before long. Prepare yourself, Bocchan, I'm coming…for you…to bring you to hell with me.

Your special sadist,

Sebastian


	5. Letter 5

Dear Bocchan,

It has occurred to me that you are quite possible one of the laziest people on the planet. I mean, you don't wake yourself up, you don't dress yourself, you can't make your own food…It's amazing that you actually do your own work pertaining to the Phantomhive company.

Not that I'm complaining! In fact, I quite enjoy bathing you. I was happy to find out that certain parts of your body are not quite as small as the rest of it. Yes. You do have rather large feet, Bocchan. You know I'm a sucker for feet. My one weakness! And dressing you…OH! I'm getting hot just thinking about putting your shoes on tomorrow morning…That is, after our one-sided make-out session. Which shoes, though? Boots? Low shoes with high socks? BAREFEET? Oh God, and when you wore that dress with the high heels! God I want to just do you right now. But I have work to do. I must still repair all of the appliances in the kitchen that Bard blew up, prepare tomorrow's meal plans, PICK OUT YOUR SHOES, clean every room that Maylene made worse, re-trim the hedges that Finnian screwed up, think up some crappy disguises, continue working on my anti-Lizzie alarm, and…make out with you in your sleep. But as a servant of Phantomhive, of course I should be expected to do all this.

Your faithful, foot-loving servant,

Sebastian


	6. Letter 6

Yay! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I really appreciate the feedback! Some people have asked me why the letters are so short and why Sebastian isn't being all formal and elegant like he normally is. Well, the answer to that is as follows: they are really short because the are supposed to be written during the times when Sebastian is not with Ciel. As you can imagine, there are not very many of those that would last very long so these are supposed to be things Sebastian wrote in like 5 minutes. Sebastian is not acting exactly like himself because it is very hard to keep him in character while still making all of these very out-there suggestions. So, unfortunately, I chose the humor over the accuracy...which usually annoys me when other peple do it...sorry for being a hypocrite! I'll never judge again! Also, I will probably have a response from Ciel eventually, but originally these letters were supposed to be kept somewhat of a secret from him...however, now that I think about it, Ciel's reaction could be very interesting if I ever think it up... Anyway, here's Chapter 6! Hope you enjoy! ^_^

Dear Bocchan,

Did I hear you complaining of a sore back this morning? I think I did, indeed. Well, there is an explanation for that. A very...sexy explanation. And by "sexy", I mean it has a lot to do with sexual intercourse. You really are a very heavy sleeper, Bocchan. Plus, all you wear to bed is that white shirt...and no socks...how can I possibly resist that? Also, don't mind the bite marks on your shoulder. I got a little carried away and, well, these things happen. No use in pointing the finger of blame at anyone, right, Bocchan?...Please disregard the marks on your feet as well. They were just so...tempting!

I quite enjoy tea. I would probably enjoy it more if I were to drink it from, oh, I don't know, perhaps your mouth? I also quite enjoy dessets containing white cream, but let's not get into that just yet. You just ate breakfast, after all, which was seasoned with my "special spices". I will leave the interperatation of that statement up to your imagination, Bocchan. After all, I am one hell of a butler.

Perhaps I could give you a back massage, Bocchan? Don't mind it if you feel more than just my hands prodding you. It's nothing to be concerned about, really. Yes. A back massage would feeel rather nice...it would relieve some...tension. Then we could move on to a foot massage.

Forever and always your faithful foot-fetish servant,

Sebastian


	7. Letter 7

Here's Chapter 7! I own nothing!

Dear Bocchan,

I am feeling rather hungry at the moment. Not for your sould just yet, but for something a little more...tangible. I'll give you a hint. It's long and sort of cylander-y. And it often has the potential for white cream to come out of the end. That's right. I want an eclaire. A really big eclaire. I suppose I could make you one for dessert unless, of course, you would prefer to lick chocolate sauce off of my chest and stomach and...lower extremeties. I wouldn't mind licking some off of your lower extremeties.

Your ring is sexy. All of the misfortune connected to it really turns me on. By the way, when I fixed it for you that one time, I may have added a little something to the jewell. You'll find out in time what it was. I'll never tell. Or will I...?...................No. I'm not going to. Now about that eclaire...I lied about that. What I actually meant was that I would like to give you a blow job, Bocchan.

Your sexy butler,

Sebastian


	8. Letter 8

Yay! Chapter 8 is finally here! I am definately going to have Ciel's reaction later on, but I wont be the one writing it. A friend of mine will be writing as Ciel. I read the first response letter and I thought it was really funny and I hope you guys do, too! But that's something to leave for later. Now is chapter 8. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! ^_^ I own nothing!

Dear Bocchan,

Wouldn't it be hilarious if we hadn't saved Lady Elizabeth that one time when she got turned into a doll? But on the other hand, I am rather glad we got to have that little misadventure because my singing voice is one hell of a singing voice. I could sing to you all day, Bocchan. And by "sing to," of course I mean, "have sex with."

Wouldn't it be hilarious if Grell got knocked up and we found out that all of his claims about being a woman were actually true after all? Then again, do gender rules really apply to shinigami? Haha.

Wopuldn't it be hilarious if I had killed that one guy while he was in the oven in the first episode? That would be like something out of "Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street." He would be all dead and stuff.

Wouldn't it be hilarious if Grell followed through with his plans to *bleep* Purupuru? Then again, Purupuru might get a little too excited and...grow while they were doing that. That wouldn't be very...wait, never mind that would be hilarious.

Omae no akuma de shitsuji,

Sebastian


	9. Response 1

Hi, everybody! It's finally here! Ciel's response to Sebastian's letters! These were written by my friend whose penname is MusiqueDuCiel (you wont find her on this website because it's not the same as the one she uses here). MusiqueDuCiel actually means Music of the sky, but we both thought it was a very appropriate name, given the circumstances. Anyway, here's the "Dear Bocchan" special, "Ciel's Response"! Enjoy!

Sebastian,

I would first like to say that your hiding places are just as crappy as your disguises. Honestly. But seeing as how you are not here to keep me entertained, I shall amuse myself by responding.

I shall start off by saying that of course you are one hell of a butler. And certainly in more ways than one… Moving on.

Lying is unbecoming Sebastian. Wait until I reach 18? Ha. Don't make me laugh. Seriously, don't. For some reason, my ribs hurt. You wouldn't happen to have an explanation for that, would you?

You are rather skillful in your fork-throwing, I must admit. Though you seem to have wonderful aim in whatever you do. Whatever you do.

And of course my eye is sexy. My eye is part of me, is it not? And soon might come sooner than you would think I might expect, ne Sebastian?

It's not like I plan on getting kidnapped. There are plenty of other fun ways to irritate you. Plenty of ways. Besides. That game no longer interests me. I'd much rather play a different game… One that perhaps involves some chocolate sauce and some rope… But I don't think you need to worry about my innocence Sebastian. I'm not as oblivious as I may seem.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	10. Letter 9

Alright! Chapter 9 already! Believe it or not, this was actually written before Ciel's first response was written. I meant to put it up first so that the chocolate sauce/rope joke would be like an inadvertant response to an unread letter, but I forgot to post this. Whoops. But that's not really important. Please enjoy chapter 9 of "Dear Bocchan". ^_^

Dear Bocchan,

It has occured to me that perhaps you enjoy being kidnapped. It does semi-fit your personality. While you do tend to want to me dominant, you still have that massochistic side and stuff. Perhaps Bocchan enjoys bondage play? If that is the case, I am sure there is a rather large supply of rope somewhere in this mansion. I could always tie you up and pour chocolate sauce all over you then lick it off. I can't wait until you're finally mine. There are so many possibilities.

You skin is so soft, Bocchan. Licking it is like...licking soft-serve ice cream off of a cone as it drips down the side. Thank good ness humans sleep so much or else I would never be able to have any fun at all. Siiiiiiiiiiiiilent niiiiiiiiiight. Unhoooooooooly niiiiiiiiiight. That's a song I made up for when I molest you while you are unconscious. Just imagine how much fun it will be when the night isn't silent anymore. It will be full of "Don't stop!" and "Ah!" and "Mmmmm!" and "Harder!" and many more adjectives, sound effects, and verbs.

Your nymphomaniac,

Sebastian


	11. Letter 10

Dear Bocchan,

Let's have sex.

From,

Sebastian


	12. Letter 11

Thanks again to everyone who has been reading and reviewing my fanfic! I really appreciate your support and feedback! Anyway, here's chapter 11. I own nothing!

Dear Bocchan,

Perhaps you should consider playing a game that is not chess. It just seems as though you are entirely incapable of winning that game when you decide to play metophorically. First of all, your obsession with "chess" is what gets you into your little...predicaments. Do you realize just how difficult it is for me to see you all tied up and then just untie you? Just like that? Certainly it is better than someone else getting to you first, but it is still absolute torture! And I know torture! I'm a demon!

Secondly, you play with all the wrong pieces. The only ones you play with are pawns. Of course, If I, too, am a pawn, then I have no objections to you "playing" with me.

I do have a suggestion for a replacement game, Bocchan. I believe it will prove to be far more entertaining for all people involved, especially if played naked and if the only people involved are you and I. The game I have in mind is, of course, Twister. Or perhaps we could forego the game and just have sex. That's sort of like a game...kind of. You're hot.

Your very willing playmate,

Sebastian


	13. Letter 12

Chapter 12 is finally up! The next chapter should be Ciel's response to the second letter, so be prepared! I own nothing.

Dear Bocchan,

I like killing people. Do you like killing people? I suppose you don't _hate killing people considering how many people you want dead. That's sexy._

Maybe we should go to France and have sex. You know, for a change of scenery. I'm sure there wont be any flying monkeys this time. Framce is the city of intercourse, after all...or something like that. We could play Twister. You know, for a change of pace. Don't worry. I wont forget about the lube.

We could have sex on a bench. A stone one. A stone bench in the middle of a courtyard after a very relaxing boat ride. France is good too, though.

La personne qui veut te baisser,

Sebastian

_Translation for the French in the sign-off: "The person who want to fuck you". I almost wrote the wrong verb for for "wants" though. It was a close call! _


	14. Response 2

Hi, guys! Sorry it took a million years to update! You would think that being on summer vacation would give one more time to write and upload fanfiction, but such is not the case here, unfortunately. But on the up side, both MusiqueDuCiel and I were really excited to meet a reader in person! Holy crap! Awesomest experience ever! Anyway, the point is, I'm not dead and neither is MusiqueDuCiel. Here's Ciel's second response to Sebastians letters. Enjoy! ^_^ Also, it's probably a good idea to go back and re-read the letter before you read the response. Just an FYI.

Sebastian,

I fear you're rather mistaken in your assumption. I don't sleep terribly deeply. In fact, on occasion I am a very light sleeper. I'll let you make of that what you will… Although, I must admit I have been sleeping much more recently. In fact, I've been sleeping deeper ever since that funny taste turned up in my tea. You're explanation for that no longer makes sense to me. You wouldn't lie to me, would you, Sebastian?

Speaking of strawberry smoothies and red things, a cherry brandy sounds wonderful. Would you get on that?

Experience you say? Of course you have experience. I wouldn't settle for anything less. I am the earl of Phantomhive. I expect and deserve the very best.

I will carefully ignore that… poem (can one even call it that?) of yours. Apparently demons don't know much about rhetoric. But don't worry. You make up for it in many other ways.

I think 'woof' is a perfectly good 'help me out' signal. Nevermind the fact that I can't even pronounce it correctly. And shouldn't you recognize my voice by now Sebastian? I'd be insulted if you can't. After all, you've heard it plenty.

Ah yes. That dog. I agree we should do something about his nudity. However, I don't want to spend money on clothes that will be destroyed constantly. I'll leave the solution up to you, Sebastian. Don't disappoint me.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	15. Response 3

So this is Ciel's third response to Sebastian's letters (obviously). Hope you enjoy. The next letter will be from Sebastian again. And I still don't own the show.

Sebastian,

Those servants are indeed a bit incompetent, aren't they? But you make up for that incompetence very well, so I'm not worried. And you simply did all the hard work for me, while I received the credit. However, I must admit I don't particularly enjoy all of them fawning over me. You, on the other hand, could do a bit more fawning yourself, Sebastian.

Now, I don't recall ever promising you the reward of… Well that three letter word starting with s. What I did promise was my soul and anything you wanted to do with it… Me.

Of course I realize how many people have attempted to claim me for themselves. But I am also very aware of how protective you are of me, so I feel no need to worry. On the other hand, you didn't need to threaten the poor girl at the bookshop. She was only helping me reach a novel. It's not my fault you weren't there to help. I can't imagine what you needed to pick up without me. We don't have any secrets between us, do we Sebastian?

Moving on to Grell. Grell is… something completely unique. And I use the term 'unique' very loosely. And why on earth would someone want fangirls? They're silly obnoxious creatures. Girls in general are annoying and irritating. Thank goodness I have you Sebastian. I don't have to deal with fangirls all the time. Unfortunately, they seem even more persistent now. They can't honestly be imagining what you think they're imagining. Though even if it's true, I can see where they got their ideas. We certainly give them plenty to work with…

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	16. Letter 13

Horray for chapter 13! Sorry it took so long to update again. School is realy keeping me busy... I own nothing. ^_^

Dear Bocchan,

Are you ready for your dance lesson? Yes, I know I already taught you the Waltz but this dance is a little less formal. The dance that I am going to teach you is called the "Penatration." Of course, it's much less of a dance and more like hot sex, but I figured you should work on your skills either way. You are fun to have sex with.

While we are at it, we should also work on your fencing. You barely held your own against Prince Soma. I happen to know a very useful technique. It's called, "Put Sebastian's Sword in Bocchan's Ass." In fact, this technique is so amazing, I reccomend you use it even when not fencing.

Speaking of Prince Soma, you also need to work on your cooking skills. If another situation arises where I am not able to be by your side, something like that could come in handy. We should make curry. Then we could eat it. We could eat it off of very naughty places. Curry is spicy, so I'm sure it would add to the "heat" of the moment. Hint, hint (I'm hinting that we should have sex. Now).

Your spicy hot servant,

Sebastian


	17. Letter 14

Sorry, sorry, sorry that I keep taking forever to update! I sort of have writer's block right now and school has not helped to give me any ideas. Hopefully the next one will be up much quicker than this one. And to those of you who have reviewed, thank you so much!

Dear Bocchan,

I like sex. With you. In your butt. It's fun. We should do it more often and when you're awake. I feel like you would be much more...responsive if you were awake during the experience.

Speaking of responsiveness, maybe we should try some drugs some time. Knowing Lau, I'm sure he has just the one I'm looking for. I think you can guess what kind of drug it is, Bocchan. But I'll tell you anyway. It's...an aphrodisiac. I should put some in your tea and then you'll be begging me to have sex with you! Not that you would have to beg. I'm more than willing to oblidge. Yes, an aphrodisiac would be much more rewarding than sleeping pills. By the way, I've been spiking your tea with crushed-up sleeping pills.

You're sexy when you say "tch!" That sound is...that sound is...dear God, that sound is practically orgasmic! Tch. My pants are getting tighter just writing the word down! Tch! Tch! Tch! Tch! Tch!... And now my pants are stained...

Your soon-to-be drug addict,

Sebastian


	18. Response 4

Hey everyone! We're back! This is MusiqueDuCoeur since PBnSpots is out at a play tonight. But she wanted me to get this up tonight because she wanted to let all our loyal, amazing readers know we're going to an anime convention this weekend called Anime Crossroads in Indianapolis, and if any of you are going, we'd love to meet you! We're actually hosting one of our readers we met earlier this year, and we're really excited about it. If you're going and want to find us, we'll be the twins from Ouran High School Host Club on Saturday and Sunday. Hope to see someone there! And if not, thank you so much for reading! Oh, and the rest of the chapters should be coming quicker... I've finally got them written out... So it's my fault they've been so late. But I think we'll put Special 5 up within a week. Anyways, enough of my rambling, enjoy Special 4!

Sebastian,

It is not my fault your weapons of choice are my silverware. But yes, I've written up the papers. It was a rather grueling task, so I believe you should assist me in 'relaxing,' for lack of using a vulgar word. I am an earl after all, such words are below me. But I'm sure you catch my meaning Sebastian.

As a side note, why would anyone need your permission? Sure, you may be taller than me, stronger than me, older than me, smarter (though I hate to admit it) than me, faster than me, more powerful than me, and more experienced than me, but you're still my butler. You don't own me, I own you. I don't care about logic; I'm right. So there.

Why don't we forget about Lizzie altogether. She annoys me sometimes. I would have to say that we have very different ideas on what 'cute' is. I don't think she would agree with your idea of cute. I must also admit that I don't think your idea is 'cute' either. There is a much stronger would one could use there. I'm sure you can think of plenty Sebastian. You are one hell of a butler after all.

I strongly object to that horrid contraption. I simply cannot allow you to force me into it again. It matters not whether you have to obey my orders or not once you've taken my soul. I will simply have to… find a way around it. I will. And I have no idea what you are referring to Sebastian. I'm not a masochist. I'm… um… hmm… I'll get back to you on that. This concludes my letter, for now.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	19. Response 5

Hey guys! Sorry it took so long again. I'm not very good at this updating thing, am I? -_- Anyway, Here's Special 5 of Dear Bocchan. Hope you guys enjoy!

Sebastian,

I feel I must point out that I'm not lazy. I do the work an earl is expected to do. You, as my butler, do everything else. That's how the world works. And besides, I used to be able to wake myself up. But lately I've found myself very tired in the mornings. But I mentioned that in an earlier letter, so I feel no need to repeat myself. As for dressing myself, I am perfectly capable of doing that on my own. The only reason I don't is because you insisted that it was a butler's job to dress an earl. And, as loath as I am to admit it, you're stronger than me so it was pointless to argue. Moving on, earls have never been expected to cook their own food. The only reason you cook is because that horrible cook is just that. Horrible. In regards to bathing, you pulled the same stunt as with dressing. I put up a more forceful resistance to bathing, but you're too strong. I suppose if I really wanted to, I could order you to stop but I don't see much point in it. The current arrangement works well.

And I don't have large feet! They are perfectly average, thank you very much. And of course I know you're a "sucker for feet." Perhaps you should be a sucker for something else. Or rather, of something else. What do you think, Sebastian? Should we add another task to your list of duties? But please never become a "sucker of feet." That's just...no. Just no. In regards to your current list of duties, I expect you to finish them faster. You've been too slow as of late. I've been getting increasingly more bored and with you taking your time cleaning, I've had nothing to keep me entertained. So as an incentive to hurry you up, I will force you into an outfit that resembles the bonnet Lizzie gave you if you do not finish your chores sooner. Understand?

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	20. Letter 15

This probably wont make an actual difference to my updating since I already don't do it very often anyway, but until the end of January my updates are going to be kind of slow. As it turns out, I'm taking my driving test this month (both the road and written) and next month I'm taking the SAT so I gotta study for that and There are projects in French and Japanese I have to do... Oh dear... I have a lot going on. But I'll try to keep writing chapters and updating as often as I can! Thank you all so much for reading these and sorry I always take forever!

Dear Bocchan,

Why did you give Maylene her glasses? I simply cannot comprehend exactly how impairing her eyesight was supposed to make her forget about being an assassin. All it really does is make her moe. Dear God Almighty, I absolutely _despise_ the genre of moe. Perhaps the only thing I hate more than moe is dogs. I hate dogs too.

Your violin playing could use some improvement. It does, however, seem as though you simply lack the _motivation _to do it properly. Perhaps you just need some...inspirartion. I am certainly capable of providing that and all we need is the bow and you. Without clothes. Surely after our little "pep session" you will be more willing to play the instrument. After violin lessons we could move on to anatomy...

I don't care much for Prince Soma. He touches you too much. He's always jumping on you and holding onto you. I'm rather tempted to snap his neck because I'm the only one who should be "jumping" on you, Bocchan. Up and down and up and down and up and down and...just like the violin bow.

Your musically inclined butler,

Sebastian


	21. Letter 16

This got up a lot sooner than I expected! ^_^

Dear Bocchan,

Did you enjoy the ice cream you ate the other day? Of course it was only made from the finest ingredients. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, and a little bit of something else as well.

By the way, you should probably go buy some new shoes. I took them out of your wardrobe and one thing led to another and, well, they're just a little bit…shredded. Then again, if you prefer to go without shoes, I have absolutely no objections.

I think Ash…Angela…Ash wants to rape you. That's probably why he…she…he keeps trying to kill me. Seriously. Why do you think he…she tried to get you in that church? It's obviously because churches are the best places to rape young boys. Why else would anyone bother becoming a preist? Yes, Angelash is definitely one very horny hermaphrodite angel. Ut I'll be damned (no pun intended) if I'm letting you get raped by a hermaphrodite!

Your 100% male butler,

Sebastian


	22. Letter 17

Dear Bocchan,

I discovered upon taking that picture of you with that special camera while you were sleeping that I rather enjoy photography. Of you. We should have sex and then take pictures of it. That way, we will always have the memories to look back upon. We could end the picture-taking session with fireworks again too. Lots and lots of "explosions."

Speaking of fireworks, we should go to a festival. One of those street festivals where all of the food is on sticks and where they have a ferris wheel. I'd love to eat some food off your stick, Bocchan. And there are all kinds of kinky things that can be done in a ferris wheel. I'll just have to be careful not to shake it too much. You have a tendency to vomit.

Oh! And when we take pictures again, I can take one of a cat! No. Wait. Even better! You could wear a kitty costume and then I'll take pictures of you again. I can barely contain my excitement. The sexual kind. Seeeeeeeeeeex.

Your potentially exploding servant,

Sebastian


	23. Response 6

Ugh. Well this got up pretty fast considering everything I've got going on right now. I'm sick right now so please forgive any fail editing. Even when I'm not sick please do that too because I fail at editing. Hehe.

Sebastian,

Yes, I was complaining of a sore back. I had originally thought to blame it on a bad sleeping position, but I am beginning to think otherwise. Perhaps I should rethink leaving my door unlocked at night... Then again, you have a key, so it would be pointless. Why change what works?

Now, about your comment about my sleeping garments, that was your choice. You self-appointed yourself in charge of my wardrobe. And besides, who would wear socks to bed? Anyways, moving on. I had wondered about those marks on my shoulder and feet. I remember having dreamed I dropped something on my foot, but I suppose I know the real reason now.

Tea is rather enjoyable, isn't it? I can never turn down a good cup of tea. Though I must say I still prefer to drink it from a cup. I always prefer to have a little dessert with my tea. And of course, cream is always a nice addition to any dessert. As you have mentioned though, dessert and tea come after after breakfast and lunch. Now, onto breakfast, I thought it tasted better than normal... Perhaps we should assign Bard a different job. I would like you to be the chef from now on. In addition to being my butler of course.

I have a feeling that a back massage would not end up leaving my back feeling any better. I do not believe that was your intention anyway. Am I right, Sebastian? I think I am. Besides, I do believe I am rather busy today, and cannot afford to waste any time. Of course, you are in charge of the schedule, so I'll have to follow any changes you make... Though I fear now that no work shall get done. Oh well. Such is life.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	24. Response 7

Hey guys! I'm not sick anymore! But now I'm kind of depressed. -_- I can't win... Oh well. I'm going Black Friday shopping in a few hours so I'm excited about that because I managed to get to the bank before it closed! Anyway, happy Thanksgiving everyone and please enjoy Response 7!

Sebastian,

...I don't believe I am able to make a comment about that eclaire... At least not legibly on paper. But perhaps since you want one so badly, I suppose you could have it for your dessert. As for me, while that chocolate sauce option does sound appealing, very appealing, it would be unbecoming for me to pick that particular option. Now you on the other hand, are expected to prefer tasks of this nature. After all, as a servant of Phantomhive, it's only natural that you keep your master happy at all times. At all times.

You know, Sebastian, you point out the obvious very frequently. Of course my ring is sexy. Everything about me is sexy. So why on earth did you need to add anything to the ring? You can't improve perfection, after all. Though I would like to know very much just exactly what you added to my ring. And you're going to tell me, Sebastian. Mark my words, you're going to tell me one way or another. I have plenty of ways to get the answer out of you. And since you can't see me as I write this, I'm going to tell you that I'm grinning a very evil, devious grin. You've been warned, Sebastian.

And I'm not stupid. I was quite able to figure out you _actual _meaning in the first paragraph. Honestly. I'm not a child, you know. And I'm not little! At all! I'll have you know I've grown two whole inches this year, so stop laughing behind your hand! That's an order, Sebastian! I don't appreciate you laughing at me during meals. And during lessons. And during work...

Until the End,

Ciel Phantomhive


	25. Response 8

Hey guys! My next update will be a letter from Sebastian, so look forward to it! Finals week starts this Monday for me, so hopefully after that I'll have lots of free time. Thanks so much for all of your support and reviews.

Sebastian,

No, it wouldn't be 'hilarious' as you put it, if I hadn't saved Lady Elizabeth when she got turned into a doll. I may not love her, but am fond of her. Although I am more fond of your singing. We could put that singing voice to good use. We could make our own little 'bedroom choir.'

I wouldn't like it if Grell got knocked up. Because if he did, it would be your fault since he wouldn't let anyone else get that close. So no, it wouldn't be hilarious because you're _mine_. Only mine. And the sooner you realize this, the better. Besides, you shouldn't be thinking of him. _I_ should be the only one you ever think about. Understand?

What do I care about some Italian in our oven? Feel free to bring him back if you like and entertain yourself with him. But I'm sure there are plenty more amusing activities you could engage in. Isn't that right, Sebastian?

And yes. That would indeed be hilarious. Perhaps you should arrange for Grell and that god to 'get together.' Though I do expect you to clean up the mess. You are my butler, after all. I certainly can't be expected to clean it up.

And you really must work on your rhetoric, Sebastian. "Wouldn't it be hilarious" if you said something else? Wouldn't it be hilarious if I spiked _your _tea for a change? Wouldn't it be hilarious if I never complete my revenge? Wouldn't it be hilarious if I forced you to sleep with me? I'm sure you can understand my true meaning. It's all you think about. I know. Because your uniform pants have been rather tight lately, haven't they?

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	26. Letter 18

Finally another one from Sebastian! Thanks so much to everybody who is still reading this! Your reviews keep me going when I have writers block. I think, "No! People are depending on me!" and then I write another letter with that inspiration. ^_^

Dear Bocchan,

I feel like I should have an evil laugh. I'm evil, right? So I should be going "Mwahahahahaha!" Or something. But I don't want any old evil laugh. It has to be sexy. Like a chuckle... Oh. I already have an evil chuckle, don't I? Well the point is, I'm going to chuckle more. Especially when we're having sex. You'll say "No more!" And I'll just chuckle and say, "No, I'm having fun." All evil-like. Because I'm a demon. And raping you.

Speaking of evil laughs, I kinda like being in wardrobes. We should have sex in your wardrobe. Just like in episode four when I was in the wardrobe with all the swords, you'll be in one too! Only there will probably only be one sword. My sword. Inside of you. It will hurt. The irony wil be, we'll be in a wardrobe where people normally go to put clothes _on_, but you'll be in it with your clothes off! Teehee. I mean... *chuckle*. Evil chuckle.

So if I'm male, and I want to have sex with another male (and follow through with the desire quite frequently), does that make me gay? I'm not human, so technically it shouldn't count. I don't really feel gay... You don't have hair down there yet...

You evilly chuckling butler,

Sebastian


	27. Letter 19

It's the next letter finally! I never understood what "busy" meant until this year… Anyway, the next letter will probably be another response. Either that or the one after. So for now, enjoy the next chapter of Dear Bocchan and thank you so much for reading!

Dear Bocchan,

You like playing pool, right? I've only ever seen you play it once but I'm going to go right ahead and assume that it's your favorite game aside from chess. I could make pool even more fun, you know. After all, the cue is very long and the table is the perfect height for having sex! It's just a shame there won't be a tablecloth on it... Or maybe I should put a tablecloth on it and then you would have something to grip onto during the "game." And when we're all done, I can rip it off the table dramatically, concealing the mess.

I've been hearing rumors that I have bad timing. Sure it takes me an hour to count down ten seconds, but that doesn't mean I have bad timing al around! In fact, most of the time (hehe) I have excellent timing! You of all people should know that, Bocchan.

Speaking of pool, we should get a pool. And swim in it. Naked. Skinny-dipping has always been a favorite pastime of mine. Not really but still… A pool could provide for all kinds of wet, slippery fun!

You tablecloth-pulling, mess-concealing butler,

Sebastian


	28. Letter 20

Omg! So sorry it took this long! See, my teachers lure me into a false sense of security by giving me one day where I have next to no homework and then the next day they all pile on projects at the same time! Argh! T_T But anyway, my English project is done and that was the one that was taking up the most time. I feel like I should post two chapters to make up for the super long wait but…I don't have any more written right now unfortunately… So here's the 20th Dear Bocchan letter!

Dear Bocchan,

My favorite disguise is a mask. It's the simplest disguise to find and yet still 100% effective! The genius who invented masks should be given hundreds and hundreds of Euros – I mean pounds. That guy and the guy who made medicine for athlete's foot.

You know what else is kinda like a mask? A blindfold! Perhaps you should wear that one. Then you'd be disguised as a blind person and if I had sex with you while you were wearing it I could tell you it was not me and you would be so confused! Blindfolds are the second best covering ever invented. The first best is shoes, though I prefer uncovered feet to covered ones.

The worst covering ever is a condom. They just sit there and make sex less fun. Lucky for me though, I'll never ever have to wear one. After all, you're a boy so you can't get pregnant and I'm a demon so I can't pass on human diseases like STDs. So all of my sex will be had with you and without covering. Except for a blindfold. And a mask. And maybe shoes.

Your uncovered servant,

Sebastian


	29. Letter 21

So! I'm updating! Was this sooner than usual? I don't even know… But anyway, my schedule is slowly clearing up. The Japanese competition I entered is this Saturday and there's a lot of pressure because according to my teacher we have won every year we have participated… And I'm the only one on my team who has bothered to study… Anyway, Letter 21 is available for your reading pleasure!

Dear Bocchan,

I wonder why all shinigami wear glasses. Is it because thy have bad eyesight? Then again, when I wore glasses while disguised as your tutor I noticed that I could see you much better. Unless that was just because you were blushing so much and therefore made your face stand out more. Or maybe it was the makeup. Or the fact that I kept imagining you making sex noises while I laced up your corset. You looked like a girl. Not that I'm into that sort of thing, of course…et.

You know, thinking back on events that have transpired, I am really freaking SUBMISSIVE! Seriously! It's like every three seconds I'm saying "Yes, my lord," or "Of course," or "Yes sir," or some other thing that roughly means, "I will do whatever you say without question because I'm bound by a contract to follow your every order." But then again, once your revenge is complete and our roles switch, you'll be the one saying all those things. Have fun!

Your obsequious butler,

Sebastian


	30. Response 9

Oh my God I am so sorry it took this long! It totally felt like it had only been like a week or so since I updated but it's been almost a month! Gomenasai! But Here's a response from Ciel. Sorry for the rediculously long wait! Hope you enjoy this chapter. And thanks again to everyone who has reviewed so far.

Sebastian,

Of course I don't enjoy being kidnapped. Why on earth would I enjoy being kidnapped! I mean sure, it gets me out of work and violin lessons, but still. There are plenty more ways I can get out of a violin lesson. Isn't that right, Sebastian? I know how to get what I want. So of course I'm dominant. You're my butler. And now that you mention it, bondage does indeed sound very, very fun. I know where the rope is too. Oh! And some handcuffs too! I have easy access to some pretty interesting supplies... Speaking of chocolate sauce, I've changed my mind on my preffered snack and/or dessert. I would _much_ rather eat you, Sebastian. Smothered in chocolate and caramel and whipped cream and cherries. Yum.

Let me make this clear. Ice cream melting down the side of a cone is not soft, but cold, wet, and sticky. I certainly hope you did not mean to compare my skin to something cold, wet, and sticky, right, Sebatian?

Ha! I knew it! I knew you did something while I slept! You just admitted to it! Ha! And now that I know, I can finally order you to stop. Ha! I win, Sebastian! But I wouldn't do that. Do you want to know what I _am _going to do? I'm not going to tell you. You'll have to wait and see. You won't see it coming. Oh what the hell. I'll write it down here. It'll still be a surprise for you. I'm going to order you on the bottom. Then we'll see who's shouting "Don't stop!" and "Ah!" and "Mmmm!" and "Harder!" and many more adjectives, sound effects and verbs. I can assure you it wont be me. I'm sure you can figure out what that means. Until tonight, Sebastian.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	31. Letter 22

Sorry again! I'm gonna hit you with a few more of the same excuses. I was busy with school blah blah blah and also I'm sick again which sucks because my birthday is tomorrow (yay!) and I'm still gonna be sick then (boo!). Anyway, excuses aside, here is letter 21.

Dear Bocchan,

I'm thinking about changing my weapon. Dinner knives and forks work but since I throw them all the time they get lost in peoples' brains so it's such a waste. Perhaps I could find out where shinigami get their death-scythes from and get myself a really long weapon. Like that shinigami named William T. Spears has. If it's long, maybe I can even use it for...other things as well. On second thought, I'll just steal his.

And while we're on the topic of shinigami, What is up with Grell's singing voice? His voice is all high-pitched and unbelievably irritating when he talks, but when he sings, suddenly he has a bass opera voice! I could teach you to sing better than him. Only you won't really be singing. You'll be screaming my name during sex. But I'll teach you how to do it so it still counts. I'm sure your "singing" will be much more fun to listen to than Grell's.

Hey, what if you turned into a demon? Then you would...no. Nevermind. That's just too stupid to even make jokes about.

Your future choir director,

Sebastian


	32. Response 10

So the formatting for this response didn't quite turn out as I had hoped... All of the sentences except for the last one were supposed to be crossed out. It worked on Word then once I uploaded it it went away so if there's a way to actually get words crossed out on fanfiction please let me know. Otherwise, I leave imagining the lines up to you. Please enjoy Response 10! And thanks again to everyone who has reviewed.

Sebastian,

Hell no.

Hell yes.

What is wrong with you!

Are you out of your mind!

When and where?

Only if I'm on top.

How long this time?

You get the chocolate, I'll get the rope.

You're finally informing me?

Why not?

No way!

Finally!

Will I be awake this time?

Hell no!

Oh I give up. There's no point in arguing. You'll do it anyway.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	33. Letter 23

Hello again, peoples! Here is another lovely letter for you all to read and hopefully laugh at. I was also wondering if anyone had an opinion as to whether or not I should start including references to season 2 of Kuro in my letters. Part of me wants to include it because of all of the things that could be made fun of but the other part of me says, "You can't do that! Season 2 is practically its own fanfic! It is in no way actually a continuation of the anime! The end of season 1 was the end and that's final! How dare you sink so low as to include that trash pit of a season in your letters!" And when that part is done talking, the part that wants to include season 2 says, "That may be true but isn't the first season sort of the same in that it completely strayed away from anything the manga said after a while? I mean, think about it. There are _hermaphrodite angels._ Does that not sound like a load of crap in itself?" and so then I have no idea what to do because I'm too busy thinking about how I've become all skitzo. Therefore, I leave the decision up to you guys. I put a poll up on my profile so if you have an opinion one way or another please take a look at it. Thanks again to those of you who have reviewed so far and sorry for making the author's note longer than the actual chapter.

Dear Bocchan,

I figured out why you insist on walking with a cane. And I regret to say it is entirely my fault. Okay, maybe I don't regret it but that is most definitely not the point. You use a cane because you can't walk properly without one due to a throbbing pain in your buttocks. One that I created. I chuckle evilly at that.

My favorite number is 69. That number is very entertaining indeed. Perhaps we should try out the 69 position. I'm sure that would be a lot easier on your rear area. Who knows? Perhaps you may even be able to walk without the assistance of a cane if it keeps up. Though I have to admit, I rather enjoy seeing the proof of our late-night activities.

As a side note, I have officially decided to disregard my like for the color red. I remind myself far too much of Grell if I like that color so I have decided to like something a little lighter colored instead…

You posture-ruining butler,

Sebastian


	34. Letter 24

I was gonna post this yesterday but then I looked at the date and realized that if I waited just one more day it would be May 16th! That makes today the one year anniversary of Dear Bocchan! Thank you so so much to everyone who has been reading these letters! And not only is this my one year anniversary for Dear Bocchan, but it's also my one year anniversary on Fanfiction altogether (my profile says differently but I wasn't actually writing any fan fiction before this one so yeah)! I'm so excited! Thank you again everyone!

Dear Bocchan,

Have I mentioned that I like small things? That might explain why I like you so much. You and your short, tiny self. With your little clothes that personally I feel should just be left off of you. Oh well. At least you wear short-shorts every day. With your teeny-weeny legs all uncovered.

Your asthma attacks are fun. For me anyway. They make it sound like your respiration is accelerated due to sexual intercourse. If I close my eyes during one of your attacks, I can almost see you naked and sweaty and begging for more. And then I have to make the noises stop so you don't die. Those are some of the saddest moments of my life. Not really.

I like your little puffy coat too. At the ice sculpting competition I wish we had fallen into the water and I lost my ability to float. Then we would have to take all of our clothes off to float better. And since the water would be freezing, we would have to huddle together for warmth. Naked. With our bodies pressed against each other. I can hear the sexy music playing in the background already. And maybe the cold will set off another attack! Yay for sex noises!

Your asthma-adoring butler,

Sebastian


	35. Response 11

Yo! So it's finally (FINALLY!) time for another response letter! Yay! Don't forget to go back and read the letter this responds to since it's been a very very very very very long time since the last response. I'm kind of hoping to post four or five responses in a row to give me some time to write a few more actual letters. Somehow summer leaves me _less_ time to write stuff... I can't win. But since MusiqueduCiel isn't so busy this summer (and yet I'm typing up her letters) she should have plenty of time to write responses. In theory. Anyway, please enjoy this chaper. R&R and if you have time, take a look at the poll on my profile. Should I include Season 2 of Kuro in future Dear Bocchan letters? An answer in the poll would be greatly appreciated!

Sebastian,

I rather like the game of chess. Who says I'm incapable of winning? I simply like it enough to drag it out. Besides, with an invincible, unbeatable knight such as yourself, there is no way the king, myself, could fall. Therefore the only outcome is my victory. Don't question your master, demon. I am not obsessed with the game chess; I merely enjoy making your job as difficult as I can. So yes, of course I realize how difficult it is for you to see me all tied up and be unable to do anything but untie me. How could I not? It's just too easy to tease and tempt you. I cannot wait until I become a teenager. Prepare yourself, Sebastian.

Back to the chess metaphor, you are no pawn, idiot. I have told you before; you are my knight, not just a mere pawn. Yes, pawns are to be used and I use you, but if _far_ different ways. How dare you insinuate something so vulgar! A king would never consort with his knight! You are below me. In _every_ sense of the word.

I have no use for your ridiculous replacement game. There is no strategy in Twister so I am uninterested in wasting my time playing it. However, I'm sure it would be endlessly entertaining to watch you play with Finny and Bard. What a wonderful suggestion. Perhaps you three should also play naked as you suggested? With rabbit ears and a tail since you seem so keen on partaking in breeding activities like one. I should never lower myself to joining you in such an activity but my maid wouldn't mind. Although… You prefer much… younger partners, don't you. That's just too bad because you're way too old for me.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	36. Response 12

Hey everyone! It's MusiqueDuCiel here. Yay! So just to clear some stuff up, yes I've been busy. And yes I'm free this summer. But the only reason she was typing up last chapter was because I said I'd finished writing it if she wanted to post it. So she decided to type it up of her own free will. She _wanted_ to. So no blaming me ^_^ And I've _also_ had this chapter written for a couple weeks now, but was only allowed to post it today. So anyways, remember to read letter 12 so this'll actually make some sense. And also, this chapter was typed up by me saying the words to my computer. Fun huh? And as a last note, if anyone's going to Ikasucon in Fort Wayne, Indiana, let us know! Please! We'd love to meet up with some fans ^_^ Oh! And happy Father's Day everyone!

Disclaimer: Sadly no, neither of us own Kuroshitsuji... However, I do own two of Ciel's outfits ^_^

Sebastian,

Will of course you enjoy telling people, you are a demon after all. I however could not say if I enjoy killing, as I have you to do my dirty work. I do enjoy knowing the filth that upsets the queen dies a painful death at your hands. Such strong, capable hands… Excuse me. Moving on. I am sleep deprived as all, I swear.

I, surprisingly, do not want to go back to France. My past experience was… Not enjoyable. Plus, us Brits hate the French, the snobs. But their food… Simply sinful. And as by the way, France is a country, not a city. Paris is a city of love, not intercourse. Idiot. Of course, what would you know of love… You're a demon. I shouldn't expect you to understand the complex feelings as humans call love… And would you stop bringing up that stupid game? I refuse to ever play it. But please, do bring the lube. It's just torture without it, so painful. Remember when you forgot it last time? The carriage week for weeks!

A bench? A bench! Have you no tact you insufferable demon? I deserve infinitely more than a cold, dirty, stone bench! How dare you insinuate otherwise. You'll have to be punished for that, severely. The courtyard though, now that sounds worthy of me. Perhaps you are smarter than I originally thought. The boat ride is also a nice touch. A cruise sounds wonderful, with massages every single day. Think you're up to it Sebastian? Don't forget to pack the lube, or you'll be in a load of trouble. You wouldn't want that, now would you? No go start packing.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	37. Response 13

MusiqueDuCiel here, and happy 4th of July everyone! Happy Birthday America! And man, I've been thinking about Hetalia all day. But anyways, sorry this is a day late. My co-author came over for a sleepover and we got distracted by anime ^_^ As always, remember to re-read letter 13 before reading the response, it's less confusing that way. Once more, if anyone's going to Ikasucon in Fort Wayne, Indiana, let us know! We'd love to see you!

Disclaimer: No, sadly we do not own Kuroshitsuji.

Sebastian,

You know I hate dancing lessons, especially if they're with you. You're simply too tall to dance with. So I do not care if you plan on teaching me a strange new dance, because I refuse to learn it. And honestly, couldn't you have thought of a better name for your so-called dance? Something a little less obvious perhaps? As a side note, my 'dancing' skills are perfectly fine. I could go for hours…

But moving along, my fencing is fine. I would have beaten that bratty prince if his irritating butler hadn't interfered. How dare you insinuate I was not as good as him. I shall have to punish you for that, and it just so happens that I have a very useful technique of my own that would be perfect. My technique is also so amazing that it should be used even when not fencing. Perhaps you know of my special technique? I'll let you figure out the name on your own.

A nobleman does not need to learn how to cook. That is what our servants are for. As myh butler you should always be by my side, so such a situation should never arise. And as my butler, you should also know that I do not like spicy foods. Heat however is perfectly fine. There are plenty of other ways to add heat besides spice, and I'm sure you know them all.

Until the end,

Ciel Phantomhive


	38. Letter 25

Hey Guys! I am so sorry that it took 2 whole months! I sorts thought that my co-writer was on top of things with the updating but I guess I was wrong… Anyway, I have another chapter for you all! I managed to write it during my Chem class and hopefully the chapter after this will be a response. My goal is to eventually get a response to follow directly after its corresponding letter but MusiqueduCiel has to stop slacking first for that to work! ^_^ So here is (finally) Letter 25!

Dear Bocchan,

Is Ran-Mao a prostitute? I honestly can't tell. Is she Lau's girlfriend? His sister? Who the hell is she! And why doesn't she talk! And aren't women in England _and_ China supposed to be conservatively dressed? It's, like, 1887 (or 1888. It depends on when exactly in the series I'm writing this letter since I never seem to write to you in chronological order), so why is her skirt all short and stuff? The outfit would look better on you anyway, Bocchan. Looks like I have another plan for when I bring you down to Hell with me!

You know, I'm one hell of a singer. My sexy deep voice is so sexy and deep that is explodes doll heads. How is that not the most kick-ass thing ever! My voice does have special powers though. It makes random girls all over the world faint.

Speaking of dolls, did you happen to notice how Drocell moved? His movements were all choppy and jerky. In fact, one might even call them…kinky! Heh heh. Get it? Kinky? Though I doubt he'll ever be as kinky as you are, Bocchan.

Your doll-head exploding butler,

Sebastian


	39. Letter 26

I am soooooo sorry! It has been waaaaaaay too long since I updated! But on the bright side, I've submitted two of my college applications and four of my scholorship applications and I'm almost done with my lab write-up in chemistry! Just one more college and one more scholarship to go! I'm really hoping to get back on a fairly regular schedule soonish. Hopefully by the end of November when all my college stuff is done. Also, to those of you following The Adventures of Butler Bob and Billy, I know it's been three months. I'm very sorry and I swear I will write the 12th episode as soon as I possibly can! Bear with me pretty please! Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me for this long! I love you all!

Dear Bocchan,

I'm very good at making schedules. Normally I make the regular schedule and then make another one with some special activities on it that I would rather be doing. We should follow that schedule some time. It's a much sexier schedule than normal. Especially dinner. Dinner is very sexy on my sexy schedule. And as usual you'll be the only one eating, though I'm sure I, too, will find the meal most pleasurable. Sexually. Because dinner will be a blow job.

I have decided that I do not like Agni. He is trying to upstage me as a butler and I don't appreciate that. He probably has sex with Lord Soma all the time and is probably stealing all of my moves! He even stole my catch phrase! Well, not really, but he stole my idea of speaking a different language than normal when following a particularly special order. But at least I have glowy eyes. Agni doesn't have glowy eyes so I win! Ha! And I make better schedules than him too.

Your edible butler,

Sebastian


	40. Response 14

a/n: So yeah... This would be the co-author of this story... I really am sorry I've been holding this story back. I've grown so much since we first started writing this, I'm finding it hard to continue responding. But I'll do my best, I promise. By the way, anyone who hasn't read The Devil's Canvas here on ff needs to. It's am amazing story.

Sebastian,

Tch. Of course you like sex with me. Perhaps we should reverse things next time? I wonder, do you sleep Sebastian? Perhaps if I ordered you to, you'd find yourself in an interesting position in the morning.

Come now Sebastian, are you really resorting to drugs? I'm sure an all-mighty demon such as yourself has a few tricks up your sleeve. Tch. But then again, an aphrodisiac might be fun. Oh the possibilities. You on your knees, stripped and aching for release, begging me to give it to you. Hm, I might have to rethink my opinion on drugs. Well, aphrodisiacs specifically. Tch, sleeping pills however, I still don't like.

Tch, really Sebastian? Something as simple as 'tch' can leave you a trembling mess? Why do you think I keep saying it? Tch, I'm no idiot Sebastian. I know how to make you squirm.

Until the end,  
Ciel Phantomhive


	41. Response 15

MusiqueDuCiel: Holy cow I'm back so soon! I know, I'm going to try to keep the responses coming on a weekly basis (because I have a lot of catching up to do). Anyways, this response (and actually the letter it responds to) has a reference to one of Maiden of the Moon's wonderful stories, that every Kuro fan needs to read. I hope some of you will be able to find it =) And don't forget, it might help to reread the letter this responds to. See you guys in a week!

I don't own Kuroshitsuji

Sebastian,

Do you honestly not know why I gave her the glasses? She can't see with them. Not only is that a great disguise (you really are bad with disguises aren't you?), but it also means she can't see me. Specifically me and you. We could be right in the middle of intercourse, right there on my desk and she would never know. That is if we kept quiet enough. And I know you dislike dogs, but what's your opinion on doggy-style?

Inspiration? What could you do to 'inspire' me Sebastian? I'm very curious to know. Especially if it only includes the bow, and not the violin. If not the strings, what will the bow slide against to create beautiful music? And afterword, I'm not sure I'll want to return to the actual violin. Perhaps we should just combine music and anatomy, and forgo the actual violin completely.

I agree, Prince Soma does indeed touch me too much. I'm surprised you haven't done anything about it yet Sebastian. Because you're right. You should be the only one jumping on me. It would be a beautiful sight to see; you riding me in the throes of ecstasy. Don't you agree?

Until the end,  
Ciel Phantomhive


	42. Response 16

MusiqueDuCiel: I promised I'd be back didn't I? But I want to know, do you guys still want to read the responses? After all the story was originally supposed to be just the letters. So if you guys still want them, we'd really appreciate it if you let us know. Also, sorry about last chapter, I should've put a little warning... I'm just so used to not having to haha. Which Ciel to you like better? Tame or not so tame?

PBnSpots would also like to let you guys know that she's sorry and that she's definately coming back. She's having a pretty stressful senior year in high school so writing's been hard. We've all been there, it's no fun.

We don't own Kuroshitsuji.

Sebastian,

I've always loved your ice cream Sebastian, it's the best I've ever had. Naturally. I told you from the beginning to make things using the best ingredients, and to always do it by hand. Get it Sebastian? By hand?

I will only go without shoes for three occasions. Baths, sleeping, and I'll let you guess the third. So you need to get me new shoes, and normal ones. No more stilettos Sebastian. If you buy me one more pair, I'll stick that heel somewhere where the sun don't shine. I'd have you screaming in no time.

Why wouldn't even angels want to sleep with me? I'm just that tempting Sebastian. And just call it 'it'. There's no need to flatter it. It is, excuse me, /was/ incredibly horny, but there's only one person for me. Although the benefits of having two lovers in one… Tempting I admit. Maybe you should learn that trick Sebastian. Late night activities could get very interesting, don't you agree? Oh the possibilities. Perhaps we could actually put those stilettos to good use.

Until the end,  
Ciel Phantomhive


	43. Response 17

MusiqueDuCiel: Has it been a week already? We're hoping to get another letter up next Thursday, but we'll have to see how PBnSpots' week goes. If not there'll definately be a response. Here's the next response, I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think =)

Disclaimer: We don't own Kuroshitsuji

Sebastian,

Dare I ask, but how would we take pictures engaged in such an act? I am sure we would be otherwise occupied. And I do not want anyone else to take such pictures. No one is allowed to see you like that. You are mine Sebastian, and I don't like to share. And yes Sebastian, do show me some fireworks. I'd love a show full of explosions. Perhaps some white ones, hm?

I will go to no such festival unless it is to investigate something for the queen. What did I just say about allowing others to see you? I won't have it. But in private, you're all mine. And there are plenty of things to do around the house don't you think? The pool room doesn't get enough attention, such a shame. Perhaps we should play pool Sebastian, with a different set of holes.

Take whatever damned pictures of cats you want, but I will not wear such a demeaning outfit. The nightclothes you forced me to wear once were bad enough. Other outfits aren't out of the question however. I'd love to see you in a maid's outfit Sebastian. I think it'd be fitting, don't you? It would have to be one with a lot of frills and the tiny skirt. I can imagine it now.

Until the end,  
Ciel Phantomhive


	44. Letter 27

You guys! Hi! I'm totally alive! And updating! I bring a brand new letter along with some slightly sad-ish news from Musique. She's also busy T^T so she can't do the the weekly thing anymore. But! She's gonna do a response every other week (or a letter from me but I'm still swamped with crap to do, so I don't know when you'll hear from me again :'(…) I'll try to get some more letters written in my spare time. I'm fairly certain I will soon be including material from season two in my letters, because, come on. What is there _not_ to make fun of in that thing. Anyway, thanks for stickin' around here for so long, guys! Here's the 27th letter!

Dear Bocchan,

We should go visit the Undertaker again sometime soon. I suppose I never did tell you how I got him to laugh that first time. Well, I shall tell tell you now since it's already done ad there's nothing you can do about it. I simply told him about all of those things you mutter in your sleep. You know, things like, "Oh… Sebastian… That feels nice… Oh… Faster… Harder… Oh… Just cover me in chocolate and lick it off…" We both found these things to be quite amusing. The Undertaker has an amazing sense of humor for a shinigami.

I have a lot of catch-phrases. My favorite one, though, is "I am one hell of a butler," because it is a play on words. I rather enjoy playing with words. Though I enjoy playing with you much more, Bocchan. And I'm not talking about board games. I'm talking about your private areas with all of those nerve endings and such. Perhaps you can even play with me some time as well!

Your embarrassing moment-sharing butler,

Sebastian


	45. Letter 28

Hey, guys. I know I'm a week late. Sorry. Homework and college stuff. -_- It's a lot more work than I thought it would be… But here's another chapter to prove I haven't forgot about you all!

Dear Bocchan,

You throw up a lot. Sometimes I find it funny because before anything actually comes up you make the same noises you make when you put a certain long stick in your mouth and run it over your tongue. Yes, the noises you make when you brush your teeth are, in fact very entertaining. And I'm glad you do brush your teeth regularly because I wouldn't want a dirty mouth all over my…well you understand. But just in case you don't; it's my penis. Anyway, other times, you throwing up is just annoying because I have to clean it up and the smell is particularly unpleasant.

You should really get more exercise. Honestly. You've got about the same amount of strength as a limp rag. Perhaps if you exercised a bit more, you'd be able to last longer during sex. Or maybe we could just have sex more often and that would count as getting more exercise. And then instead of feeling the burn _during_ the work out, you'll fell it _afterward!_ In your anus.

Your vomit-mocking butler,

Sebastian


	46. Letter 29

Before anything else, I am going to give a warning to those of you who have not seen the entirety of the first season, SPOILER ALERT! THIS LETTER WILL REFERENCE THE END OF THE FIRST SEASON AND THE BEGINNING OF THE SECOND ONE! DO NOT READ ON UNLESS YOU WANT IT ALL SPOILED! So. What is this place again? Fan…fiction…dot…net…? I have written this letter to prove that I am not dead. The straight truth about what's been taking so long is that after my first semester of college everything sort of fell apart with my life. My roommate transferred to a different school, I had to change dorms, the friendships I had just forged started falling out really quickly and suddenly, and on top of all that, I found out I had depression (still do) and for three days I couldn't leave my bed even to go to the bathroom. This caused my grades to drop from all A's to all F's and so now I have transferred out of Ball State because I realized that I don't want to be a Japanese teacher after all. But I still want to do something with Japanese. Unfortunately, since I don't want to be a translator either, there aren't a lot of choices for my future career. Therefore, I am not in school and completely lost as to what I could possibly do in the future. Oh. And I'm $5,000 in debt with no money to pay it off despite working two jobs again. So yeah. That's what's been going on. Hopefully it's not too annoyingly depressing and instead serves as an explanation to my overly long absence. I hope to keep up this story again, but I've kind of lost my touch for these letters now. And I lack motivation to accomplish pretty much anything right now. If any of you guys read Hyperbole and a Half, that's pretty much exactly what I am going through right now. And if you don't read her stuff, shame on you! Go google her right now! She's hilarious! Anyway, you guys who have actually waited along with me and stayed with me through this whole mess of a story mean a lot to me and I want to thank you so much for sticking around. I hope this next letter doesn't disappoint you or whatever because I don't really remember how to write them anymore. But here goes nothing! Here is letter 29! Oh, and by the way, I have to thank LittleGreenPuppy for motivating me to start writing again. She's shoved her computer in my face too many times showing me all her reviews and mocking my lack of them that I feel compelled to out-write her. It's on now, Puppy-chan! You guys should go read her stuff but then not review. That would show her. Or review but be like, "Hey I like Dear Bocchan better because you wear glasses and knee-high tube socks and you never fully explain what was going on when 'your friend' said all those hilarious things that you don't give her credit by name for! Also Truffles will never be yours!" Or something. Anyway, on to the letter that will be painfully short compared with this long-ass author's note.

Dear Bocchan,

What the hell! What the actual hell! After all that shit I went through to get your soul, our whole series ending scene was just a waste of screen time? I got you all the way to the Isle of the Dead (or wherever it was I took you on that little boat), a bell tolls and then suddenly your soul is gone! Seriously? You couldn't have just hung out in your body for about ten more seconds? I'm getting pretty tired of only being able to do the nasty twice a day and after meals. Whatever other acrobatics I'm going to have to do for the remaining time you're going to be alive better be worth it. Your soul better very good at oral or I will be very upset.

You know what I hate? Spiders. They are disgusting, and creepy, and idiotic, and even more repulsive than dogs. That's right. There is something I hate more than those filthy four-legged mongrels, and it's those infuriating, eight-legged abominations! Especially when they attempt to compete with me for possession of your soul. Not that a tiny little spider would ever stand a chance against me anyway, but they do prove to be rather irksome. Unfortunately, one certain spider is too large for me to squash under my beautiful, fashionable, evil stiletto boots, so I shall have to think of another, more "twisted" way of disposing of this one.

Oh well. At least now I have an excuse to try on that trench coat and hat I have always had hanging in my wardrobe. I think I look very sexy when cloaked in mystery. Especially when they mysterious cloak is a trench coat that is not really very mysterious at all because it is very obvious who I am when I wear it since my voice is so distinctive and you can clearly see my haircut.

Your not-so-mysterious servant,

Sebastian.


End file.
